H1N1...The new "Black Plague"?

So, I've been a tad sickie lately. I painfully gimp to the local clinic to see the quackmaster to see from what malady I suffer. Turns out it's the dreaded H1N1. I'm not surprised and neither is the doctor. Seems everyone has it. I thought I had that one beat, being that my significant other had it weeks before and I didn't catch it. But alas, my time hath come. I am diseased! Oh! The humanity! Woe to me, I shall take to my bed and convalesce in sick-dom.
My date to resume duty has today come. I still feel a bit like shit, but I can't afford any more time off. I wake up and try to make myself resemble something human. I scrape a week's worth of scruff off my face, brush my teeth and make my toilet. I don my favorite work duds. I think I look pretty good. I hop into the car a jet off to work. I promptly swipe in and hike up to the office to hand in my obligatory sick note. I think all is well. The manager recoils in horror when she gazes upon my visage. "God, you look horrible! Are you still ill?", she says in a shrill voice, pensively eyeing me up and down. Just then the most unwanted thing occurred...I sneezed! She gasps, rolls her chair 3ft. further away from me, covers her face and asks me if I'd touched anything on the way up. I felt as if I had leprosy and my freshly sneezed nose had detached from my face and landed in her lap. Needless to say, I got sent home and cannot return to work without seeing the doctor again with a note stating that I'm no longer capable of wiping out the entire staff with one exhaled breath. I feel offended. I've had the damn flu, and even though death's pallor has yet to leave my face apparently, I'm still very much alive and somewhat kicking! So what if I still utter the odd cough or have a runny nose. That's why God gave us Kleenex and hand sanitizer!!! I am not a health threat, dammit! I jes' happen to have had the honour of having this beloved virus and am pretty damn sure I'm done with it.
So, home again am I, earning no pay and bored to shit. What to do? Lay around and watch TV? I think not. That's all I've done for the past week and I'm tired of it. To top it off, it's Sunday, which means that the choice of quality programming is even worse! Instead of 90% of fuck all to watch, there is now 100% of fuck all to watch. ARGH!!!
Oh well, no reason to cry over spilled milk. I guess I'll pop in one of the many movies I have in my collection that I've watched a thousand times and suck it up. The commercials suggest I take a "Benolyn Day", but I've no benolyn....does coke count?